Kelly Kintner - Blog

I am a team player.

I began a journey several years ago as a collaborative-type musician. I love all the instruments, only play a few. I love hearing people play on tunes Keri and I have written. I love listening to indie musicians and getting their sounds in my head, then asking them to join where I hear them. I love the camaraderie. I love working on songs as a group. I love correspondence. So it made sense for me to pick this route. What I am learning today has to do with all that.

If they like you, they probably won’t critique you, which is a shame.

As a bipolar person, I have an impulsive streak. Maybe not a streak, to be honest. Maybe I have a gaping chasm of impulsivity that governs at least half of my behavior. Thinking years down the road is not my strong suit. But I am getting better. I try. I feel bad about hastily removing or taking down videos and songs. Some had collaborators who could have possibly given their friends and family those links. I was wrong to go about leaving socials the way I did. I was wrong to take some things down. I am trying to correct as much as possible with quality ingredients, but most of the musicians I have worked with do not speak to me anymore. They used to be friendly. I have to guess why that is. They won’t tell me. Perhaps if we were strangers, I’d get an earful of why I piss them off that I could use in choosing future behavior. I just have to guess. Friends don’t do that anymore. I lose out on that, as a mental patient. Friends have historically helped me with honest talks. Aside from Keri, this rarely ever happens anymore, despite having “friends.”

Learning can be painful, for everyone.

As I am still making lots of music, still collaborating, I am trying my best to make plans for the music and assets to be somewhere for a long time, and that’s specifically for collaborators. They deserve that for helping. I am very sorry I never thought of this until recently, if you have collaborated with me. I guess I haven’t thought about numbers, or anyone else liking the songs, or how convenient it might be for you to share a link of a song you’re on, or how nice it is when the art looks nice for you to share with a non-muso. I am learning still, that much never changes, I hope. The downside is sometimes folks get hurt. I don’t want to hurt anyone, ever, not even MAGAs. But if I am not thinking of them, and taking actions, someone is bound to get stomped on. It isn’t aimed at anyone, I even do it to myself.

What about a book on a psychiatric disorder? Pick a disorder, doesn’t have to be mine. Maybe you know someone with a different one.

I wish everyone could read “Bipolar Disorder for Dummies” or something, but seeing as I am a small percentage of the population, allegedly, no one has time for it except Keri. I’ve tried to get family to read it so they could learn how much of me is in that book, how much of me is mental illness, but no one has except Keri, that I know of. The rest of the family besides Dad hasn’t spoken to me in years. Not even my kids, sister, no one. I wonder if we’d still talk if they had read it, I don’t think I’ll ever know. One of those tough pills for me.

I don’t expect forgiveness, I don’t expect a loaded inbox. I just want to do what is right.

I do not expect grace from anyone. I don’t think expecting grace is graceful, one of my many religious issues. But I find it applies with people too. I think I would get a little more if everyone read that book. But I would never expect them to.

A Promise:

I vow from here on out to take care of collaborators, even years after release. I also promise to get older material looking sharp and posted nicely somewhere so collaborators can click on their handy-work. They have earned that much. Even if we no longer speak, they already have that in the bank. This is how it’ll be, sera.

For the future:

When you think about a collaboration, you may not be thinking a year or five down the road. I urge you to consider that in your initial plans. It is always nice when they come back for round 2. If they can’t find their stuff online, they might not bother.

Kelly Kintner

Editor, Producer

YouTube (this is pretty new, trying to make it nice)

(23 people on this one CD.)